What the Bible Says About Marriageable Age
by Captain Bret
Prov 5:18
18 May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.
(NIV)
Mal 2:15
15 Has not [the LORD] made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth.
(NIV)
Ps 127:4-5
4 Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one's youth.
5 Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their enemies in the gate.
(NIV)
Prov 2:16-17
16 It will save you also from the adulteress, from the wayward wife with her seductive words,
17 who has left the partner of her youth and ignored the covenant she made before God.
(NIV)
In the recorded life of Jesus Christ, we see him at three milestone ages; birth, age 12, and age 30. Dr. S.M. Davis makes a strong argument that this is a pattern that God has revealed to us concerning what to normally expect from our children. At age 12, a boy becomes a man, taking on the responsibilities and receiving the privileges of manhood. We know that in Jewish culture during Bible times, men and women often married in their early teen years. According to Nelson’s Bible Dictionary, by New Testament times, the Jewish leaders had decided to establish minimum ages for which a marriage contract could be drawn up. The age was set at 13 for boys and 12 for girls. But a man could not become a rabbi or be elected to public office until he was 30; this is the age at which a man becomes eligible to be considered as an “elder.”
Gregg Harris has a general rule that he talks about in his discussion of “The Seasons of Life.” He believes that when a man’s first child is born, he has passed from the season of preparation to the season of a householder, and when his first grandchild is born, he has passed into the season of an elder. This model would fit the scriptural pattern of expectation, IF a man’s first child was born when he was about 15 years old, and his first grandchild when he was about 30. Interestingly enough, in Bible culture, this would not be unusual.
Regrettably, the abdication by American fathers of their Biblical responsibility to educate their children, and the plethora of problems this creates for our nation’s children, has created a model where children are not expected to be mature adults until well into their twenties. The reproductive consequences of this expectation are not significant to the man whose mind is conformed to the pattern of this world, which calls for him to usurp the authority of God by seeking to open and close the womb of his wife at his own discretion, seeking to restrict God’s blessing of children to only 2 or at the most 3. (To determine who reserves the right and authority to open and close the womb, see Genesis 20:18, Genesis 29:31, Genesis 30:22, Genesis 38:9-10, 1 Samuel 1:5,19-20, Psalms 22:9, Psalms 71:7, Psalms 139:13, and Isaiah 44:2) But the consequence is significant for the man who embraces God’s blessings. This man acknowledges the truth of Malachi 2:15, that God makes a man and woman “one flesh” because he is “seeking godly offspring.” This man seeks the covenantal blessing of Deuteronomy 7:13, “He will love you and bless you and increase your numbers. He will bless the fruit of your womb…;” He covets the blessings of Psalms 128:3, “Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your sons will be like olive shoots around your table.” He wants his “quiver full,” because he understands that THE SUPPORT OF HIS GODLY CHILDREN PLACES HIM IN THE GATES OF THE CITY. Let us look at how American cultural norms affect this man.
Under the Biblical model, a man would marry in his teens, and he could certainly expect his wife to have her first child by the time she is 18 years old. Under the modern American model, a man would not marry until his late twenties; so let us suppose his wife has her first child at age 28. She has lost AT LEAST the 10 most productive child bearing years of her life; it is not unreasonable to assume that in those 10 years, the LORD would have blessed her with 5 children. As she grows older, her body naturally becomes less fertile, and she can expect to lose the ability to bear children before age 50. And so it is conceivable that by waiting until age 28 to bear her first child, a woman may cut IN HALF the number of children she is able to bear.
So when is a young man or a young woman mature enough for marriage? There is a teaching circulating today which says that a young man must leave his father’s home and live alone in his own house before he is ready for marriage.
Gen 2:24
24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.
(NIV)
Does this Scripture really say that a young man must leave his father before his father find’s a wife for him? And what does it mean to “leave his father and mother?” Does that mean leaving the house? The neighborhood? The town? The family business?
This Scripture must be examined in the light of the whole counsel of God to determine it’s meaning. Having dealt with the issue of family business in another article, we will not cover the same ground again. However, we must acknowledge God’s intention for sons to follow in the footsteps of their fathers. This plays an important role in the right of the patriarchal blessing that belongs to fathers who are in covenant with the LORD. Isaac received this blessing from his father Abraham; Jacob received this blessing from his father Isaac, even though he was not the firstborn. This is a part of the covenant God made with Abraham – a covenant that God said in Genesis 17 would be “an everlasting covenant between me and you and your descendants after you for the generations to come…” Throughout the Scriptures, God shows that he expects children to work with their fathers, and to succeed them in their calling.
Exod 29:29-30
29 "Aaron's sacred garments will belong to his descendants so that they can be anointed and ordained in them.
30 The son who succeeds him as priest and comes to the Tent of Meeting to minister in the Holy Place is to wear them seven days.
(NIV)
The faithfulness of Noah’s sons in helping their father is what saved the lives of them and their wives.
1 Chronicles 6 shows how the various families had assignments for various occupations; verse 33, “Here are the men who served, together with their sons…”
So if leaving father and mother does not mean leaving the family business, does it mean leaving the house? Jesus speaks concerning this when he talks to his betrothed – his disciples – concerning what he would be doing during his betrothal period, awaiting the marriage of the Lamb.
John 14:2-3
2 In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you.
3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.
(NIV)
In this passage, Christ also indicates the appropriate time for the bridegroom to prepare a place for his bride; after the bride price has been paid, and the betrothal covenant has been cut.
So what about savings. Must a young man acquire a store of wealth before he is ready for marriage? Must he have a “steady income?” Notice what Jesus said about a son who is faithfully working with his father on the family estate.
Luke 15:31
31 "'My son,' the father said, 'you are always with me, and everything I have is yours.
(NIV)
A son who accepts his Biblical role as an arrow in the hands of his father can expect the storehouse of the family business to be open to him whenever he has a need.
So what does it mean for a young man to leave his father and mother when he is married? It is my opinion that this demands that he transfer his primary loyalty and responsibility to his bride. She becomes the source of his companionship, and he spends every moment he possibly can with her, providing her with the same kind of covering that his father had provided for his own mother, teaching her, praying with her, planning with her, and devoting himself to her establishment and well-being. This does not mean that he is no longer under his father’s patriarchal authority, or that he should leave the family business; however, I do believe he must establish a household separate from his parents, allowing his wife to run her own schedule and routine. It is obvious from Scripture that this can be done while still residing in the father’s house, for Jesus plainly said that the place he was preparing for his bride was "in his father's house." Nevertheless, I think it very wise if possible for the young couple to have their own domicile, even if it be nothing more than a small apartment on the family compound.
So Fathers; how do we apply the principles of these Scriptures to our lives? Although our culture places many obstacles in our paths, we must make every effort to prepare our children to fulfill their God-ordained roles at the Scripturally appropriate ages. And we must encourage one another to “not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”