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In Ephesians 5:22, Paul begins to explain about God’s design for husband’s and wives, how they are to relate to one another. And then in the middle of this discourse, in verse 32, he reveals a “profound mystery:” that these relationships were designed by God to be a daily reminder, a precious glimpse into the relationship between Christ and his church. If our marriages are to be a living example and testimony of God’s eternal purpose, then we should ask some important questions.

#1 How does God want the bride and groom to meet?

John 6:44
44 "No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him, and I will raise him up at the last day.
(NIV)

John 17:6
6 "I have revealed you to those whom you gave me out of the world. They were yours; you gave them to me and they have obeyed your word.
(NIV)

Jesus seems to indicate that it is the father who brings the bride to the son. If this is an indication of God’s plan for human marriage as well, then there should be some precedent in the examples God gave us in Biblical history.

Interestingly, this proves to be the case.

Genesis 2:22
22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.
(NIV)

Adam was the father of mankind. For his marriage, the very first marriage, the Bible is very specific in noting that it was God the Father who brought the bride to the man.

Abraham was the father of the promise, the one of whom Paul said in Galatians 3 that he is the father of all who believe in Christ. It was he who sent the servant to search out a bride for his son and brought her to him.

Genesis 24:1-4
1 Abraham was now old and well advanced in years, and the LORD had blessed him in every way.
2 He said to the chief servant in his household, the one in charge of all that he had, "Put your hand under my thigh.
3 I want you to swear by the LORD, the God of heaven and the God of earth, that you will not get a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I am living,
4 but will go to my country and my own relatives and get a wife for my son Isaac."
(NIV)

The Biblical example is for fathers to lead in the negotiations for marriage.

Genesis 34:3-4
3 His heart was drawn to Dinah daughter of Jacob, and he loved the girl and spoke tenderly to her.
4 And Shechem said to his father Hamor, "Get me this girl as my wife."
(NIV)

Judges 14:1-2,10
1 Samson went down to Timnah and saw there a young Philistine woman.
2 When he returned, he said to his father and mother, "I have seen a Philistine woman in Timnah; now get her for me as my wife."
10 Now his father went down to see the woman. And Samson made a feast there, as was customary for bridegrooms.
(NIV)

But even more compelling than historical precendence is the direct commandment of God, given to the Israelis who were being sent into exile in Babylon. God's point was to tell them to lead normal and healthy lives there, because they were going to be there a lifetime -- 70 years. And a big part of that normal, healthy lifestyle was for fathers to FIND WIVES for their sons.

Jeremiah 29:4-6
4 This is what the LORD Almighty, the God of Israel, says to all those I carried into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon:
5 "Build houses and settle down; plant gardens and eat what they produce.
6 Marry and have sons and daughters; find wives for your sons and give your daughters in marriage, so that they too may have sons and daughters. Increase in number there; do not decrease.
(NIV)

#2 How does God want the bride and groom to go from a being unmarried to being married?

The Bible plainly tells us that we, as Christ’s bride, are not yet married to him. We will not have physical intimacy with him until the wedding, which will be at the end of the age.

Rev 19:7
7 Let us rejoice and be glad and give him glory! For the wedding of the Lamb has come, and his bride has made herself ready.
(NIV)

So are we simply unmarried, or is there a legally binding state of matrimony which we now enjoy as his elect? Paul tells us in

2 Cor 11:2
2 For I am jealous for you with godly jealousy. For I have betrothed you to one husband, that I may present you as a chaste virgin to Christ.
(NKJ)

Paul says that when we come to Christ, we enter into betrothal with him. Is this state of betrothal a state of matrimony recognized by God’s law?

Deut 22:22-24,28-29
22 "If a man is found lying with a woman married to a husband, then both of them shall die-- the man that lay with the woman, and the woman; so you shall put away the evil from Israel.
23 "If a young woman who is a virgin is betrothed to a husband, and a man finds her in the city and lies with her,
24 "then you shall bring them both out to the gate of that city, and you shall stone them to death with stones, the young woman because she did not cry out in the city, and the man because he humbled his neighbor's wife; so you shall put away the evil from among you.
28 "If a man finds a young woman who is a virgin, who is not betrothed, and he seizes her and lies with her, and they are found out,
29 "then the man who lay with her shall give to the young woman's father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife because he has humbled her; he shall not be permitted to divorce her all his days.
(NKJ)

God’s law does indeed recognize three states of matrimony, and calls for different punishments for crimes committed within each state. If a man has sexual relations with a married woman, both of them are to be executed. If a man has sexual relations with an unmarried virgin who is NOT BETROTHED, he must pay the bride price to her father and marry her. However, if he has sexual relations with an unmarried virgin WHO IS BETROTHED, then both of them are to be executed. This indicates that betrothal is a state of marriage, even though the bride and groom are not yet living together or having sexual relations, for she is still a virgin.

We can see from the account of Mary and Joseph that betrothal was a legally binding state of matrimony, requiring a divorce in order to be dissolved.

Matt 1:18-19
18 Now the birth of Jesus Christ took place in this way. When his mother Mary had been betrothed to Joseph, before they came together she was found to be with child of the Holy Spirit;
19 and her husband Joseph, being a just man and unwilling to put her to shame, resolved to divorce her quietly.
(RSV)

Do these legal implications of betrothal provide a testimony concerning our current state of betrothal to Christ? Absolutely, and thanks be to God! Betrothal is not simply an engagement, which can be broken off by either party for any reason. Now that Christ has betrothed us to himself, he cannot simply “dump” us; he is committed by covenant to fulfill his obligation as the bridegroom, to prepare a place for us and bring us to himself.

2 Tim 1:12
12 For this reason I also suffer these things; nevertheless I am not ashamed, for I know whom I have believed and am persuaded that He is able to keep what I have committed to Him until that Day.
(NKJ)

For further exploration, examine the works of some of the great Bible teachers of our day.

Jonathan Lindvall of Bold Christian Living
The Dangers of Dating
Dating? Courtship? Betrothal?

Israel Wayne of Wisdom’s Gate Publishing
Preparing for Marriage

Dr. S.M. Davis, Park Meadows Baptist Church
God's Plan for Finding a Mate

Pastor Brian Schwertley, Chalcedon Christian Church
Biblical Courtship

Testimonials of Modern Betrothals
Matthew & Maranatha Chapman
I, Isaac, Take Thee Rebekah

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